Expect The Unexpected
by CrimsonINsight
Summary: 10 years have passed since Gintama's original setting. Umibouzu returns from space with a wish for Kagura to plan her future, saying it's about time for his daughter to 'settle down'. Our heroin; having the mind of a young girl, still, wants to continue her lazy life as an earthling... And that's where the sadist's role comes in.


**This Fic's Title Makes No Sense Because It's Not Unexpected If You Can Expect It **_[Chapter 1]_

Accompanying the lack of clouds, Edo's afternoon sky wore turquoise at its finest shade. The weather was a cunning one; it lured people out from their homes to bathe in the beautiful sunlight, but made them regret it once they did because who enjoyed getting burned to crisp anyway.

Okita Sougo, now 28 of age, had been sitting at the park bench—_his_ bench since early that morning just to watch time pass by. He found himself doing this more often than necessary, probably in anticipation for something to happen. As people say: _Good things come to those who wait._ In his case, these encounters weren't exactly pleasant, but they _amused_, which wasn't bad either.

"Disappear. You're invadin' my territory."

_Not ten seconds since her arrival, and she's already sputtering nonsense. _

With the parasol pointed to his back-head and her gangster-hinted accent in place, Kagura acted brazen as ever. Even so, Okita remained at his seat; unfazed by the Yato's attempt to intimidate. Her threats scared no one—especially not him. They never did.

Ten years had passed since Gintama's original setting, yet no change on the heroin was worth mentioning. Sure, she _had _grown in height—and a few other places too _(like her hair; yeah, definitely her hair)_, but not much personality-wise. It was almost impressive.

Then again, the same could be said about him.

"Oi oi, didn't ya hear me? Get movin'." Cold metal tapped against his skull. "What's wrong, stupid sadist; can't comprehend first-grade vocabulary? Want me to show mercy? Should I get you a _Japanese-to-Dog-language_ dictionary?"

"Please do. I wouldnt'ave understood your barking otherwise."

Kagura's umbrella crashed down on the bench at his deadpanned retort; her force so great it turned said furniture useless for its original purpose. If our sadist had stayed seated just a little longer, he probably would have ended in a similar state; covered by clouds of dust. One was either stupid or out of their mind to mess with a Yato. Perhaps he was the latter; perhaps he was both.

"It's for _you,_ you punk Chihuahua!" The clanswoman shouted as slender fingers tucked vermilion locks behind one ear, an exasperating sigh with it. She then tightened her grip on the weapon to indicate the start of their soon-to-be battle, making a sadistic smirk appear on the brunet's lips. Resting a hand upon the hilt of his sword, he readied himself for what was to come.

But before they could begin, another individual appeared from above. Landing between them, steady on his feet, the interrupter in dull brown turned to face Kagura.

"I've been looking for you..." The voice of a middle-aged man sounded, in all seriousness. The Yato seemed to recognize him somehow, because her surprised expression was altered into one of apathy.

Instead of an answer, insults cloaked by inquiries were sent his way. "Papi, why are you here? How's your hair doing? You need a new wig?"

"I have _no_ need for wigs! Don't think that I do, because I don't!" Denied the middle-aged man as though this issue was a matter of life and death. "My hair is fine. On the contrary, it's more than fine; its marvelous! If I had to compare my hair growth to something, there would be no better example than the tropical jungle of Amazon."

"Your head looks more like the Antarctic ice sheet, as bald as it is."

"Naive," Okita shot in upon realizing who the older man was, "Umibou_zon _is just experiencing a dry season."

"Which happens to last all year round, mhm," the damsel nodded in agreement, a mischievous smirk blossoming on her lips. Our rival duo rarely got along, but whenever they did, it was while abusing others.

"FOR THE LAST TIME: I AM_ NOT_ BALD AND THIS IS _NOT_ A WIG!" Shouted the bald man as he struggled to keep his wig in place.

"_Anyway._" Refusing to deal with their childish acts any longer, the adult decided to go straight to the point. He hadn't visited earth solely for the purpose of taking an adventitious stroll in town after all. "Kagura-chan, I've been thinking... Isn't it about time for you to settle down?"

Aquamarines widened instantly, her cheerfulness; gone. "Wh-What do you mean, yes?"

"Settle down. Getting married. We'll travel through space in look for the right man. Someone handsome, strong, protective... Someone who can make you happy," he tried to convince her, "I know you're attached to these earthlings, but you can't stay with them forever. You're already 24... When your mother and I got married, she was only—"

"That's because you couldn't control yourself!" The blue-eyed alien interrupted, pointing an accusing finger at him.

The Shinsengumi captain fought back an evil grin while listening to their conversation which bordered becoming an argument. He knew how dearly she loved earth and the Yorozuya; being forced to leave was devastating news for the female. Just the thought of his rival suffering brought him pleasure.

"Papi, I don't care if you think this is the best for me; I'm staying!"

"Why? Why are you trading your own future for something like this? What is keeping you tied to this place? Unless—" The space-fighter's flow of words came to a halt as his face paled a few shades. "U-Unless... Someone here has already stolen your heart."

_Silence._

"Ah, that's right," Kagura replied after a short while; the tone of her voice, impassive as the rest of her countenance. "He's _deeply_ in love with me, and I, in him. We even did _this_ and _that_—and _that other thing_ too. Well. Almost. No, actually: He proposed yesterday and we're gonna get married. There's no need to waste time in space, aren't you happy?"

_Tss, as if anyone would marry that bitch, _the police officer thought, a quiet snort coming from him. _It's obvious she's bluffing. No way anyone would fall for such a cheap lie—_

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH?_" Shocked by this sudden revelation, Umibouzu grabbed the heroin by her shoulders; his eyes, enlarging to the point where they were about to pop out of their sockets. "**TH-TH-THIS** AND **THAT** AND **TH-THAT OTHER THING**—WHY DIDN'T I GET TO KNOW?!

"That's not something you tell your father yes? Don't worry, Papi. I'm a real lady now," Kagura reassured him although what she said wasn't reassuring in any way.

"Wh-Who... WHO IS IT IT BETTER NOT BE THAT SILVER-PERM OR I'LL BLOW HIS HEAD OPEN FOR MISUSING THE TITLE OF SUBSTITUTE-FATHE—!"

"Uh. Right. Who. Uhm," Kagura replied uncertainly as she glued her gaze at the ground, apparently thinking of what to say next. "Th..."

"TH? DON'T TELL ME IT'S **TH**E GLASSE—"

"Th-This guy!"

Before Sougo knew it, the girl yanked his sleeve to pull him by her side.

_Wait. Did she just...do the unimaginable? _ His maroon gaze stayed blank as it had the whole time, but not without confusion building up beneath the calm, seemingly uncaring surface.

"Oi, China. The hell are you—_UGH!_" Kagura's elbow which dug into his side prevented him from getting any further. The Shinsengumi captain fell to his knees, arms wrapped around where it hurt most. Unexpected hits were always painful, even for the prince of sadists.

"S-So, you see? I'll be staying on earth. I can't go anywhere, or else he'll miss me. And **die**. You know how fragile humans are."

Umibouzu stood there; frozen. Like him, he too couldn't believe those words just came from the damsel's mouth.

The sadist didn't even have to look up to know. He could_ feel_ it. He could feel how the blackhead's glare pierced through his being like poison daggers, with the intention to kill. Okita had no idea what was going on anymore, but whatever he decided to do from now on had to be planned carefully lest his life ended sooner than expected—that was the only thing he could be sure of.

_Damn it, China. I'll get you back; just you wait..._

___[End of Chapter 1]_

* * *

**A.N.**

Hey everyone, I'm back with another story revolving around Okita and Kagura. Note that despite being a future AU, their personalities are not based on the movie/time-skip episodes.

My other fics are all angsty, so I thought I should try writing more light-hearted stuff for once. This was written at 5am, so I might have to do a re-check some other time regarding grammar and out-of-characterness. Reviews are appreciated~


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